Finding Peace Through Letting Go of Expectations

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I wish someone had told me that holding on to my expectations of myself and others could kill me spiritually. I also wish I had known these expectations could easily become a breeding ground for resentment, bitterness and anger. Furthermore, I wish someone had told me that I couldn’t handle any of these issues on my own.

God wants us to know how important it is to have healthy relationships with one another and how our expectations can get in the way of those relationships. Letting go is frightening, but when we do, it brings us into an intimate relationship with God. In this relationship, we experience a peace within ourselves because we now rely on Him to guide us.

To get to this place with God, we must live a simple life; a life of faith. We no longer have a need to over complicate things or become overbearing in situations. Our need for control is most often a driving force for many of us. We cling to this illusion that if we are in control, we can better manipulate outcomes so that they work in our favor, but this is a lie.

Webster’s dictionary defines an illusion as something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality. “God’s grace shatters illusions.” There is no need for us being in control of everything and everyone around us. No one wants to admit to powerlessness, but it is a reality we all face at one time or another. The more we attempt to control people, things and outcomes, the more out of control we really are.

When we allow the Word of God to navigate our lives, we no longer feel the need to fix or control. We again, experience that overwhelming peace because we trust that He is in control.  Why not let go, let God and live by faith?

Statistics suggest that, as well as finances, many marriage ends in divorce because of unmet expectations and the inability to accept reality, in other words, “irreconcilable differences.”  We often have our ideas of what marriage is, long before we marry, so we fantasize believing one day those fantasizes will come true. We get married and reality shows up. And believe me, reality is painful.

In order to deal with and face reality, we need willingness to take risks. We MUST LET GO! Let go of the fantasy and remove “our” expectations of what someone should or should not do, be, or feel. We simply ask God to teach us to embrace our differences, and then quietly surrender, trusting Him to do just that! When we reject our idea of what should be and accept what is, we have successfully embraced reality, thereby allowing the love we feel for one another to become deeper; much greater.

Our spiritual life is the light that guides us from within. It leads us to awareness of our human flaws and provides insight on how not to create our identity from things outside ourselves. Through self-awareness, we become one with God. The only expectations we have are those we expect from God through his promises.

Let go of your expectations and allow yourself to feel the covering of God’s grace and mercy. Trust that God can do the unexpected, because He can. When we commit to learning God’s will for us, our need for self-will begins to diminish and we start to form an intimate relationship with Him. Love and peace awaits us, all we have to do is, let go.

 

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What Do You Do, When a Family Member is Jealous of You?

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While growing up, some would say I was a fighter. I battled in the street and against my brother, but most often, I fought myself. My self-centeredness was a reality with which I often struggled. I believed the world revolved around me and that everything had to be all about me. I also had a desire to understand everything, especially my brother, Keith.

When we were growing up, he would do the most bizarre things to me. I recall the time my mother left us alone briefly. That time alone was just enough time for Keith to deceived me into eating a button. It was either that or have my head covered with a pillow for God only knows how long. Talk about torture endured by a younger sibling. “Phew! Thank God I survived.”  As I got older, I sensed there was something more behind his actions and I tried “with all my heart” to understand what that something more could have been.

Deep-seated, internal fear forced me to seek things outside of myself for security. I longed to be accepted by my brother. As I look back on things, I may have even dived head first into all the popular sports to appease my brother. I played basketball, football and baseball, but football was definitely my favorite and the one sport I excelled in. I wasn’t sure if  I excelled because the game just came naturally for me, or if it was because I could always count on Keith to be there cheering his little brother on. Because it made him happy when I played, I always made sure I played well! The fear of how disappointed he might be if I didn’t was my driving force.

Trying to live up to another person’s unrealistic expectations was at times brutal. I became angry and often felt resentment towards my brother. Because Keith and I were very close, it only made sense that I blame him for all of these negative feelings. He was definitely my problem!

With hopes of releasing all the bitterness and resentment I’d carried toward my brother, I asked God for the courage, peace, and wisdom to face him and honestly share my feelings. After all, my mind was enslaved with the belief that I never measured up to Keith’s expectation of me and now I wanted freedom.

When I asked him why he was so abusive toward me growing up, he explained, “before you were born, mom gave me all the attention and now the attention rested solely on you.” From his point of view, it seemed that mom had forgotten about him. He also shared that he didn’t know how to express his feeling of abandonment, so he behaved harshly toward me. He admitted that he had been jealous of me, but that he was very sorry for any harmful actions against me in the past.

And to imagine that after all this time, I thought it was something I must have done or said? Believing I could make it better if only I performed well enough or constantly surrendered to his unreasonable demands. I thank God for the revelation!

In order to release all the bottled up negative emotion, I had to allow God to give me the courage to speak up, a willingness to listen, a heart to understand and compassion to forgive. That forgiveness had to extend past my brother and to myself as well.

When others are jealous and envious and it is directed at you, continue to seek the face of God. Pray for them. You will find later that it has less to do with you and quite often, more to do with their insecurities or inadequacies.

Having a strong need to be accepted by people and attempting to change others is futile at best. It is far beyond our control, but within God’s provision.

Speak your truth to God and others no matter what the cost. Let the voice of God be your guide; your protection. And even if standing for the truth appears costly at the time, it will be worthwhile in the end. After all, our God is the Truth, the Way, and the Light!  I wanted freedom from the bondage of not understanding my brother Keith and God allowed the truth to set me free.